Holler to my people

January 18, 2012 § 12 Comments

Hello, people at the pool.

I don’t usually say hi to you, because I usually see you early in the morning and I’m barely awake as I slip into the water.

Or it’s after work and I’m people-ed out for the day and don’t feel like talking to you.

So now, I’m trying to do it. I’m trying to be friendly, and say hi. Because I realize that my affinity for C.B.F. may give the illusion that I’m not friendly.

Hello, first, to you, swim ninja. You have an erratic swim schedule; I never see you on the same mornings or times. You arrive in black spandex, having run to the gym. Your tri shorts are under your spandex and you strip down right there on the pool deck. You fold your clothes neatly and get in, pulling goggles out of a non-existent pocket in the outfit. You swim your swim and hop out, apparently not even needing a towel to dry off before you put your outfit back on. Your skin must be of a different material than mine, as pulling spandex over wet skin never really worked out well for me before. And then you disappear before I lift my eyes up on my next breath.

Hello, old man who is so old you must be retired so why are you at the pool so early why don’t you wait until after you have a nice leisurely morning that retired people deserve? I also think you were the Michael Phelps of 1960, as you can easily out swim me at your age.  And props to you, for showing that you can never be too old to rock a speedo.

Hello girl in the cash money bathing suit. I like that one, where did you order it from? You swim kind of my same pace, maybe we should swim together. Nah, you’re right, let’s just awkwardly exchange smiles when we accidentally catch each other’s eye when we’re really looking towards the clock.

Hello, lady that smells like strawberry bubble gum. I like you much more than Mr. too-strong cologne. You can hop into my lane anytime and swim. It’s like you Febreeze the water, I love it!

Hello man who insists on standing on the one side of the lane that I’ve been swimming on, until I finally give in and move to the other side, the wall-side, where I will inevitably hit my hand on the drain pipe thingy 10 times. I really wish you would just explain to me some sort of good reason for doing this. But, I admire your persistence. You weren’t going to budge. Who cares if I was there first? You want it? You got it!

Hello swim team kids. No, my face to you isn’t CBF. It’s real BF. Because yes, it’s annoying that your practices fall right in the times when I prefer to swim. And yes, it’s annoying when your practices run even 5 minutes over. But I’m trying to be more patient. Hey, maybe while I work on my patience, you can work on not staying in the showers for 20 minutes and throwing shampoo around and making all the floors really slippery? Thanks. And yes, it’s cute that you have my same bathing suit. If only you realized that in 10 more years you’d still order the same one too, because your mind will always think you’re a 32. Thank you, I like my toe nail polish color too. It’s called “pink.” I think you can get it at CVS, maybe your mom will take you. Oh, I think your mom is calling. See you tomorrow.

Hello fins lady. Zoom, zoom, zoom. That is all.

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§ 12 Responses to Holler to my people

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